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Commentary Archive

2/28/10 A Monumental Government Land Grab
2/24/10 The Chai Party
2/21/10 Don't confuse us with those other extremists.
2/19/10 Karl Rove helps set the left's Tea Party trap.
2/14/10 corruption.guv

2/11/10

The sound of one hand clapping.

2/7/10

Have a seat and some tea.

1/31/10

The Obama Accelerator Pedal Recall

1/29/10

The State of the Union in 200 words or less.

1/24/10

OnStar call replay call you'll never hear...

1/20/10

NJ, VA, MA and a near-miss in NY

1/17/10

Dealing with the Car Czar...

1/15/10

What can YOU say?

1/10/10

"Systemic Failure" = Obama Failure

1/3/10

Some Good News About Heart Attacks

1/1/10

Homeland Security picture is out of focus.

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2008 Commentary Archive

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Conservative Commentary

by Ed Donath

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© Copyright Ed Donath March 5, 2010

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CLASSIFIED MATERIAL:  A translated telephone transcript from Afghanistan...

"1-800-TALILAW...Baitullah speaking.  How may we assist you?"

"Hello, is that you Baitullah the Mouthpiece?  Hazem here."
"Is that Bazooka Hazem?  Where are you?"

"I have been picked up by GI's and brought to Bagram Air Base."

"Did they read to you your American arresting rights, Hazem?"

"Of course. Twice...

Toyota Pickups: "Tough enough for the Taliban!"

...first by the GI's translator when they were taking me off the back of the Toyota and then again by an intelligence agent just before handing me this phone to call you."

"Did they rough you up, Hazem?"

"Not a mark on me.  They even gave me a bottle of Daisani and a granola bar when we got here."
"Are there any witnesses we can contact to testify at the trial?"
"It depends who is left after the drone fly-over. Probably not."
"Did you read the label on the granola bar?  If there is anything un-kosher in it like pork lard maybe we can get them on a breech of your civil rights."
"No dice.  They read to me the ingredients.  I was hungry.  I ate quickly and the wrapper was taken away with the empty water bottle."
"Did they play offensive music?"
"No."

"Is the detention area temperature too hot or cold?  How about the lighting."

"No.  It's actually pretty comfy in here."
"Oh, I almost forgot.  Did you ask if you can pray?"
"Yes, and they gave me a clean new Koran and said that I would be able to hear the calls to prayer over the PA system.  There is an arrow on the floor of my cell that points to Mecca."
"Sounds to me like they covered their backsides well, Hazem.  Attorney General Holder should be proud of their service.  I will re-read the ACLU tips and work on a loophole.  I will visit you if and when I can put some kind of defense together."
"You mean..."
"Yes.  You will probably remain in custody at least until they pull out of Afghanistan.  But don't worry...the R&R camp in Cuba may not be closing so soon.  Actually, you deserve a rest and some time to catch up on your reading after working so hard at the jihad."
"Should I demand that they martyr me, Baitullah?"
"Sure, if you are prepared to hold your breath until they elect a president who understands who you really are and who will not dishonor your religious belief by trying to convince the infidels that you are merely a common criminal."
"What if I just say that I am sorry and ask an ACLU attorney to help me get political asylum in Amerika?"
"Go for it, Hazem!  This might work, but the window is only open until their regime changes."

FOR YOUR EYES ONLY...SHRED AFTER READING!


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Reader Comments:

Comments may be edited for clarity and/or profanity.


The ACLU protects your rights, numbskull. Comparing them to the Taliban makes you look ignorant, at best. I suggest getting a better fitting tinfoil hat. The lasers are getting through.

 

Vosotros5

Phoenix, AZ Arizona Republic

[Big diff between protecting my rights and defending those of our enemies in foreign countries. I suggest that you put a tinfoil hat on just to keep your miniature brain from slipping out of your left ear. -ED]


I love it.

 

GreyCaravel

Montgomery, AL Advertiser


So sad, but true. Do think the ACLU will help me get off from a speeding ticket if I claim the Taliban made me do it?

 

Uncle Larry

Austin, TX American-Statesman


lol funny.....but so sad that it's true. 

 

Taush       

Palm Springs, CA


Rant on, eddobloggo. As a member of ACLU, I can promise you that we'll always defend your right to post whatever you like. We've got your back!

 

Playdoh

Mansfield, OH News Journal

[You've got it backwards. I defend your right to rant but ACLU stabs Americans in the back by defending foreign enemy combatants' rights over those of their interrogators. As a result, the calendar has gone back to 9/10/01. -ED]


Don't forget, the ACLU only fights for the rights that THEY think you should have. Look at how hard they fight to take away your Second Amendment rights!!

 

Gordon2

Great Falls, MT Tribune


That was great Eddo! I always love great satire especially if it reveals the truth. Thanks again.

 

copwatchdog

Palm Springs, CA Desert Sun


The best investment our government could ever make would be to pay for convention of every single ACLU lawyer in America on some remote south seas island.....and then turn all the Guantanamo prisoners loose on the island with "weapons of mess destruction. Oops, excuse me, I meant "mass destruction". Must've been a Freudian slip. It would be a fun exercise to test just how deep the ACLU's belief in the rights of terrorists runs. Some of those shyster lawyers might change their minds about who has what rights. If we lost any, or all, of the ACLU lawyers, most of The Nations media would publish the event under the heading of "CIVIC IMPROVEMENTS".

 

texascorvette

Des Moines, IA Register


EDDO, I am not gonna ask what you were drinking...but maybe you should keep drinking it! I especially like some of the comments on the bottom of your blog pages. Good stuff!

 

spebak

Palm Springs, CA Desert Sun


ACLU, does that stand for Atheists, Communists, Liberals and the Undocumented?

 

mightyright

Great Falls, MT Tribune


Just don't let them get the DNA on the water bottle or the wrapper they take back, with evidence like that you are doomed regardless of the charges brought against you.

 

Anonymous

Rancho Mirage, CA


Amusing piece eddo!

This reminded me of something Ann Coulter wrote about the tendency for Gitmo prisoners to gain weight while there. A veteran prisoner tells a new Gitmo prisoner "If you think Allah is great, wait 'til you try our dinner rolls."

 

EddyWobegon 

St. Cloud, MN Times 


source?

 

Anonymous

Thousand Palms, CA

[If I tell ya I've gotta kill ya. -ED]


I am still a fan of General 'Black Jack' Pershing and what he did in the Philippines, but we have moved into this new touchy-feely paradigm of waging war...

 

theglimmerman

Great Falls, MT Tribune


Gone are the days that I remember in which Americans frowned on those who burned cars in the streets, broke windows of retail stores while stealing the merchandize inside, beat on lookers who disagreed with them for now those are the same people who now run Washington…………Van Jones comes to mind! Who is now being honored by his fellow thugs! I think it’s time we all dusted off the book “1984” and read it again!

 

PeeOde

Tallahassee, FL Democrat


Lets' confer rights on everybody, illegals, murderous terrorists, everybody except for taxpaying citizens. We get the shaft on a daily basis.

 

deserttrek

Palm Springs, CA Desert Sun


Would be funny if it was not so close to what is happening !

 

sij6141

Phoenix, AZ Arizona Republic


Don't forget they've protected child molesters too....
 

Ray 
Great Falls, MT


Going the extra mile to make  our enemies into friends. Nothing bad about that to keep secret! ;-)

 

JollyStingRay

Livingston, NJ

[It's a nice sentiment but these people will never consider us anything but their enemies so it doesn't make a bit of sense to treat them as though they are our friends, let alone our fellow citizens. -ED]


Good Saturday morning blog Ed. Thanks for the laugh.

 

gas hog

Austin, TX American-Statesman


In its own words, The ACLU seeks to defend and extend individual freedoms guaranteed by the Bill of Rights. They lie!  The Bill of Rights includes the Second Amendment for the right to bear arms but not once in their existence has the ACLU ever done so! Hypocrites all!

Anonymous
Great Falls, MT


Hopefully that window slams shut after 2012. With any luck at all it'll be Pakistan catching all the crooks, not America.

 

therite1

Wausau, WI Daily Herald

[As the administration pats itself on the back for its non-enhanced, fully-Mirandized approach to captured Taliban, the Pakistanis do the heavy lifting prior to turning enemy combatants over to US personnel. Thank goodness rendition is alive and well, but don't ever expect our hypocritical administration and the slobbering media to ever let the true story leak. -ED]


 

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